What the Spanked Woman Needs

Is that a sufficiently pompous title for everyone? You just know you're not going to agree with whatever I choose to say next, don't you?

In this particular case I'm not talking about every spankee woman – just a certain "type" of woman I've met, more than once – okay, stop complaining, there's a lot to be learned by recognizing your "type" and observing others. I always find it a lot easier to see traits and consequences of behaviors in others than in myself, don't you?

This particular type of spanked, or needing-a-spank, woman is the one who's always right. No, not the ones who think they're always right, the ones who actually are. She's analytical and critical and usually know what's the best thing to do. A lot of times she'll get in a relationship, even with a fairly forceful guy, and before too long she's making all the decisions herself. The guy is mostly fine with this, because she's usually right. And when he's not, he does it his own way anyway. But the woman gets sick of making all the decisions, of being responsible for them all the time.

This is one type of woman I see getting interested in a domestic discipline relationship. She is acutely aware of every mistake she makes (surprisingly to some of us, not everyone is). She has a hard time letting go of the ones she does make. Thinking back, it's the first thing she remembers about any past events - what went wrong, how it could have been better. Also, always being right leads to becoming very domineering over time. When she announces what the right choice is – and once she does it's usually obvious – everyone feels compelled to follow. Unfortunately, though, sometimes spouses and partners get sick of it. Sometimes it's for no good reason they can verbalize – they're just tired of someone always knowing the right thing to do. Sometimes it's because every time they argue they're wrong – or sometimes they lose the argument even when they're right.

Different women who share this personality trait deal with it in different ways, and in different ways at different times of their life, with some of them getting interested in a DD arrangement. They look for a man "strong" enough to stand up to them, who won't always leave all the decisions to them. And not too surprisingly (at least to us spankos), if they get too argumentative, or make choices that make everyone miserable, or do something emotionally inconsiderate even if it's logically correct, they would prefer to be spanked than to have their partner be mad, or sulk, or leave them.

Finding a man who meets this qualification – just this one – is fairly easy. Plenty of men are very decisive, regardless of how good their judgment or track record is. Men are more likely to be willing to act on their own authority and accept the consequences as necessary. A lot of men will address indecision by doing something, anything, rather than "wait and do nothing." And if a woman asks a man to indulge these behaviors, she ought to have a high level of success. Getting a man to do things his way is not usually a difficult task.

What becomes difficult for her to accept is doing things his way when he's not always right – or even often right. This becomes all the worse when he cares less about making mistakes than she does – or fails to see or admit his mistakes. Combine this with a woman who is hyper-aware of mistakes and views (and reviews) each one as a personal failure and shortcoming and the relationship becomes impossible.

So I would say, just generally speaking, that the spanked woman needs to find a man who is wrong even less often than she is. This may be difficult, especially when she rolls in all the other traits she's looking for including current situation, mutual attraction and willingness to paddle her bottom on a regular basis. The good news is that if it's easy to get most men to do things their way, it's even easier with one of these men. And one would think, all other things being equal, that a man like this would prefer a woman like her.

But since this is my blog and my opinion, I would say that her responsibility doesn't stop at finding this guy and bending over with her panties down on a regular basis. I have always felt that submitting to domestic discipline does not entitle someone to a lot of annoying or unacceptable behavior. If you're spanked for a tantrum you need to make an honest effort to avoid future tantrums. If a woman is going to ask her partner to make decisions, she is going to have to accept those decisions – at least a lot of them. Accepting doesn't just mean going along with them, it means supporting them. Before and after. No endless questions that not-so-subtly imply that she thinks the decision is wrong, or might be wrong. No claims of "just wanting to understand" his thinking. No forcing him to paddle her to get her to go along every time he decides something. Difficult? Oh yes – that's why there are lots of spankings at first. But she has a responsibility to try to reduce the number of times she does that – just as he has a responsibility to try to choose what is best for more than one person and accept the credit or blame afterward.

I don't think anyone would expect such a capable woman to have her partner make all or most of the decisions in their life, so there will be plenty that she makes herself. What she claims she wants, though, is a man who will recognize when she's making a mistake and stop her. Maybe the best agreements wouldn't specify what type of things she'd be punished for, but exactly how many tries she gets to convince him she's right before she has to cooperate. No one in their right mind would get into a relationship that invites endless fights – if he stands up to her, there has to be a limit on how much she argues with him – otherwise, who could blame him for just giving up on it?

Afterward is every bit as important as before. She cannot (without invitation) treat every bad outcome as a learning opportunity - He has probably already learned about as much from it as he is likely to. And she has to remember that bad outcomes do not always indicate bad decisions – unforeseen things are always happening, while hindsight is 20-20 – and I don't mean "get your hiney in sight for 20 with the paddle and 20 with the strap" though that may be a really good idea. Hopefully, the decision maker made the best choice with the information available. So no post-mortems, not under any disguise.

One more comments on decisions: if it's a tough decision, whatever it is, it probably doesn't matter which side you choose. Yes, one might lead to some good things or some bad things while the other will lead elsewhere – but if, all things considered, one was better than the other, it wouldn't be a tough decision, would it? If you knew one choice would lead to bad things, wouldn't you avoid it?

Einstein said (I've heard) that when he was faced with a tough decision, he'd flip a coin – then ask himself how he felt immediately upon seeing the result. In other words, if the coin flip said "yes, retire to Miami" and when he saw it he was disappointed, then he'd stay and teach at Princeton, trusting that his instincts had considered everything that he couldn't always put logic to. If a coin flip said "yes, form a rock band" and when he saw it he felt inspired, well – obviously that never happened.

So here is this spanked woman, just trying to be happy and we hope that she is. If - in addition to the perfect caring loving partner - I could give her one thing, it would be this: the ability to accept mistakes, even repeated mistakes, and move on. Much more difficult, I know, than accepting a week of the hairbrush on the sit-spot, but, believe it or not, even more useful.