Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Taking the Noise Out of Spanking

Taking the Noise Out of Spanking
by Matt Anglen

From time to time we're asked about how spanking can be done more quietly, so that neighbors, kids, or visiting parents aren't perfectly aware of your activities. With a huge variety of toys at my disposal and numerous opportunities to experiment, I've come up with a few suggestions. Though you can do a little with sound protection, mostly you have to reduce the noise at the source without extinguishing the effect.

If it's neighbors you're worried about, one thing to consider is how quiet you really need to be. If there’s not a lot of angry yelling and chasing, wailing and begging, or naked women being dragged back in the front door, people might wonder but that’s about it. Rocking the bed off its foundations, however, is still a no-no for second-story dwellers.

Unfortunately, what you're trying to avoid is the best part of spanking – the solid, rhythmic swat and accompanying sound. Disciplines that avoid these are going to be a lot less noticeable but probably a lot less enjoyable. The challenge is to find answers that fit your lifestyle while addressing your situation.

The simple rule for noise making seems to be that the flatter, harder, and larger the striking surface, the more noise is generated – or, the more curve, softer, and smaller the surface, the less noise you'll have. Because of this, a good, long-handled, deep-bowled wooden spoon can completely blister your bottom with few people finding out – and very quickly becomes the spanking you hate most!

Just a Spanking

Let's start with hands, always the best thing to spank with. There's always one around when you need it, they draw little suspicion, and whether you think they feel "good" or not, the feel better than a lot of things! The way a guy holds his hand can make a big difference in how much noise he's making – as for you, you're on your own. If he flexes his fingers back (thumb, too) he'll give a very thuddy feeling with a lot less sound. Some of the thud comes from the fact that he's almost required to stiffen his wrist. If he spreads his fingers or relaxes his hand and wrist he can generate a lot more sting but the sound will increase. Unfortunately, the favored technique of cupping the hand (and bottom cheek) is the one that makes the most noise and those good hard slaps that make your teeth ring are probably out.

Whether he's using his hand, hairbrush, or paddle, technique will have a big influence on sound versus effect. If, instead of spanking straight on, he uses more of an angle, you’ll get a lot more effect - or the same effect with less effort and less noise. Have him start with his hand at about mid-thigh (your thigh) level and bring it up in a circular motion, catching you moving upward, like a “cuff,” so that his hand ends up behind you again, but at his shoulder level. Or, he can bring it straight on, like topspin in tennis, palm almost flat downward so that he smacks you as his hand goes from low and behind you to low above your back.

Even worse (more painful) is doing it top-to-bottom – have him start with his hand above your back, palm toward your head, and with a sweeping motion, chop down toward your seat, flicking his wrist and curving off so that he finishes with his palm flat - here he's spanking with his fingers. It sounds like this would alternate well with the “top-spin” spank, but really it works better with the “cuff.”

Quieter Hairbrushes

In terms of conventional spanking, a curved-back hairbrush (I shop at Sally Beauty Supply) makes less noise and I think hurts more that a flat-backed one; a good thick one, which may be expensive, will also make less noise while spanking deeper and better. Used with a rigid wrist and arm, they should be pretty quiet, while still providing good coverage and deep soreness (unlike a spoon, for example, which has more sting). However, many curved-back brushes end up with too small an area for spanking, and a better alternative is a bigger one (for once) – a nice long wooden clothes brush with gently curved edges. It delivers a very solid spank that is quite difficult to accept but still generates less noise, I think due to the lack of sharp edges (okay, if you want to know, I think the sound waves are coming off the central impact portion but as they head outward the flesh of your bottom, which is more gently curving around the edge, muffles them).

In the kitchen, you might try a heavy wooden spoon - we got one at an Indian shop - or any hardwood spoon. Target's better ones are pretty good. They're very painful and less noisy, though not completely quiet. Spatulas are loud. Also try to avoid holes, they can be a problem in kitchen implements – and do not use a pasta-lifter, the hole in the middle will make a super-blister.

A Really Quiet Paddle-Feeling Toy

This is going to sound a little odd, but I think it works okay – we have a "thumper," a super-heavy cane that's used lightly for an erotic charge. I made it out of bamboo but it got me thinking how else we could make one, and the ones I came up with make pretty decent paddles, despite seeming kind of silly. They give a heavy, solid swat though I can't guarantee they'll leave you very sore but I think they will.

I speak of these in multiples because I made about four different models, all similar. For these, I went to the home-improvement store and got some short pieces of plastic sprinkler pipe – 18, 24, and 30 inches are probably best, depending on otk or bent over. Similar diameter bamboo from the crafts store would be okay too. Then I got pipe insulation – I think there's two diameters and two thicknesses. Pipe insulation is a long sleeve of foam rubber with a hollow core for the pipe to go through. I think all four cost less than $20. I glued different sizes of pipe insulation on the different core pipes, thinking it would be a pretty soft massager – not quite! The result was something that delivers a paddle-smack without a sound! I've wanted to wrap this in something, since it seems like the foam insulation is, well honestly, a little silly. But I haven't gotten that far yet.

Typically straps and belts are noisy and have a very distinctive sound. A multi-fall flogger is much less noticeable but you have to find one you like – the thinner the falls the quieter but stingier. One with heavy falls will give a lot more thud. The hard, belt-leather type falls make a lot of noise but you may find that a session with slightly softer, quieter falls works for you.

Other Very Quiet Toys

I’ve got some simple silent rubber floggers that are also pretty unbearable, though ladies are unlikely to find them very romantic, especially used by themselves. Wetting the bottom makes the same amount of spanking go farther and works particularly well with rubber. The combination of wet and the rubber flogger can generate a pretty good spanking with a minimum of suspicion. And if done in the shower, it gives another level of sound protection (assuming the howling doesn't carry).

Here's a link to one form of a "loopy" spanking toy:


Mysty recommends screen-door spline ($3.50 at Home Depot) but windshield-washer hose from the auto parts store (also cheap) has worked pretty well for me, except that you can have a hard time straightening it. Cat says to put it in hot (very hot) water, stretch it over something straight or weight one end, and let it dry – maybe using your hairdryer. Also, it's not the binding that counts, it's the three loops, so there's dozens of ways to put them together.

For very little noise, buy or order a good rattan cane, $15, maybe. Don't use anything else like bamboo because it can cut and is way to stiff, along with most everything else. The only other thing I'd suggest is the plastic rod off of the mini-blinds – in case you're too embarrassed to order a cane.

If you use switches make sure you use them as soon as you cut them because they dry out in minutes and then they're too stiff. If you have a ton of money (who does?) Adam and Gillian have a "white lightning" short plastic switch ($35) they speak highly of and a couple of plastic birching toys… we have a longer, heavier cat toy with a 30" plastic wand – you can leave this in the garage and get a few good hard strokes on the way out to somewhere (don't leave a rattan cane in your parents' garage, it really might be somewhat recognizable). We have a bag of flexible pencils, a schoolkid's novelty from the dollar store, that work as very painful quiet otk switches. Round off the ends or they can mark.

We’ve got a cat toy - a bit of fluff attached to a micro-thin plastic wand (Target Stores, $2.95). The wand is silent and very very stingy, especially when snapped. Really, it’s best as an accent, not the main event, but it is quiet...
One other toy, which I think mostly of for women smacking guys, is one of the heavier flyswatters. The one we use (for flies, actually) has a strong handle about like coat-hanger wire with a thin plastic or rubber coating. It's bent into a narrow loop that would be perfect for smacking someone with, though it seems pretty severe. Another advantage is that it can be left most anywhere and kept handy without drawing comment.

Other Approaches

Corner time, of course – we saw one picture of a girl on her knees, head in the corner, partly supported by her arms, that has to be hard. My suggestion, which Cat didn't like, was to have you stand on tip-toe, using a pencil to hold a glass of water against the ceiling. Or if you open a door, reach up, and have him stretch a piece of elastic over the top, so you have to keep that position (the idea is, if you let go of the elastic you can't put it back yourself.) Having to kneel on your fingers, that was a favorite of the nuns… speaking of nuns, they'd wrap a rubber band around some poor soul's wrist and then snap it on the inside… or draw an "X" on the blackboard and make you keep your nose on it interminably.

Ice cubes… these can be cruel in the right hands… or the flip side, very hot towels (they're heavier than wet washcloths), especially as a prelude to a spanking. For something you said, there's washing your mouth out or brushing your teeth etc. with soap or hot sauce… I think that belongs in fiction more than in real life.

Sound Protection

As far as noise protection, I think big glass sliding doors are the worst culprits, followed by windows. I’ve hung a comforter over the sliding glass door - get two of those clamp-type pants hangers and hang it from the curtain/ blinds rod. Point your bottom toward the closet or bathroom, not the outside wall or window.

If you have a basement and small kids, and have been reluctant to go down there while they're sleeping (and leave them unattended), you can get a nursery monitor, a one-way intercom that will let you hear if they call for you or get up and wander around. This can let you take advantage of your basement without the worries of the kids needing you for the moment.

With all of those suggestions to choose from, I hope something works that fits in well with your lifestyle!


Anonymous said...

Wonderful advice, thank you! You've obviously done a lot of "research!" We live in an apartment and usually have to turn a fan on (for white noise) and play techno cd before being able to play. Of course, the best part is when they're doing lawn work outside because then we'll never be heard!

Anonymous said...

wow!!!! Matt, Sir. You have certainly gotten off to a wonderful start here! i think more lessons are in order...

Anonymous said...

Thanks,some cool ideals.i'm looking for a torso shield like that leave only the cheeks exspoesed for a severe whipping. hotbutt

Pagan said...

We underwent fairly significant renos earlier this year, and our bedroom was on the list.

Alas, we pulled up the carpet for hardwood, which is a great thing for esthetics and cleanliness...but not so good for spanking.

We put fire and sound retardant insulation along the interior wall, replaced our hollow core door with a fire retardant one, and bought some of those magnetic vent cover panels.

Helps a bit, but still not wonderful.

We have another adult living in the basement and children on the second floor with us, so we (read: I, the paranoid one) try to create as much rhythmic noise (not of the hand on rump variety) as possible.

I run the dishwasher, toss a load of laundry in, and put on the bathroom fans both in our ensuite and the kids' bathroom.

Ensure all windows are closed, toss pillows on the floor vent, stick magnetic panel on cold air return, close and lock door. PHEW!

That's our current plan. No idea what I'm going to do when the kids start staying up later than we do.

Saying, "Get your ass to bed so your dad can paddle mine" might get the job done, but I prefer a little more subtlety. ;)

Matt Anglen said...

Actually I'm not sure I've had much luck with "white" noise - aerobics tapes or musicals on DVD like Chicago might work a lot better. If it's the master bedroom and you're worried about noise through the floor, keep the door to the master bath (if you have one)closed to keep the noise from going between floors due to the bathtub/ shower drain. And if it's your basement the adult is living in, there may be things you can do to the ceiling downstairs - or buy grandma a new hi-fi, or headphones, or a noisy air conditioner...

I take it from all this that you don't like any of my quieter toy suggestions - admittedly a lot of them are wicked. However, we recently got a paddle/ ruler type toy that's got just a little curve to the face - it still spanks really well and the noise is much less. If you got two or three of these, you could cover all but one with different kinds of leather and the difference in feeling and intensity is night and day! I'll see if I can post a picture that would help, I don't know of any stock paddle makers that promote curve-faced paddles.

Also I'm thinking a soft heavy wood makes less noise than a hard one - we have a thick - maybe 3/4"? - paddle that's probably pine, maybe oak (or one of each) and it's not like birch or beech or ironwood. Thin paddles like 1/4" are too noisy wherever you are!

I just noticed you didn't mention throw rugs - a fabulous faux Persian could do wonders for your love life and eliminate the need for spanking all together!

Blondie said...

I recently had the quietness problem as our twenty year old son seemed to be around all the time. In desperation I tried my wife's think comb and it worked without too much sound. I missed the sting and the noise but it got me through that period when I could have been very frustrated.

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Anonymous said...

This was great. Thanks for sharing all that you did :-)

Anonymous said...

Used the mini blind wand the other night. Very deceiving instrument. I have serious bruising.

Anonymous said...

We've used the mini-blind wand many times. They are quiet and have a very nice sting. However they can (and do) break so please be careful...nobody want any real injuries.

Anonymous said...

I found fly swats sting like hell. But very quiet

Anonymous said...

You assume the person doing the spankings is a guy...

Tony Conrad said...

Not always. Sometimes it is a wife who does it as in my case. You live and learn.

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Anonymous said...

My bf recently felt he needed to give me a spanking, but my roommate was in the same apartment sitting in the living room. So he took me to my bedroom, asked me for my hairbrush, then had me take off everything from my waist down and go over his knee. He spanked me with the bristle side of the hairbrush! It wasn't a long spanking at all, maybe only 2 minutes, but OMG that stung! It was quiet though.