As Party Time Approaches...

(A re-post of advice on attending the ShadowLane Party)

Before we know it the time for yet another enormous Shadow Lane party will be here and we will all be packing off to Vegas. If anyone out there is a newcomer, or a fence-sitter (ouch, sore bottom or not…), here are a few of my thoughts on what to expect and what to do:

The first thing you want to do is rent "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Twenty minutes into the movie, the Time Warp scene might as well have been filmed at Friday Night's Vendor's Faire. Brad and Janet, seeking shelter from the storm, knock on Dr. Frankenfurter's door to find that there's a party going on. They're led to the ballroom which is filled with people from Transylvania or someplace. Here's what's like SL: the lights are up full and the people look pretty normal. It's not dark, smoky, or full of leather dommes leading g-stringed yuppies on leashes. There are a lot of people all chattering and drinking a little and they're generally very welcoming. While Brad and Janet stand there with their mouths hanging open the entire large crowd does not seem to think anything unusual is going on. After teaching them the Time Warp, the regular guests quickly strip Brad and Janet down to their skivvies, which is usually only slightly less successful at the SL party – not that the attempt isn't made.

The second thing you want to do is collect up some reviews of Las Vegas shows and sights to see – not that you'll see any, which is why you need the reviews. When you go back home and tell friends that you spent the weekend in Las Vegas and didn't see any chorus girls, Bellagio fountains (watch the end of Ocean's Eleven), magicians, Circe d'Soliel or slot machines… well, they might just wonder what you were up to. You must at least know who is playing at the Stardust and actually Rick Thomas's magic show, if it's still playing afternoons there, is a great show and family-friendly fare. Also, if you can find anything on Blue Man Group at the Venitian, it's these three guys all in blue make-up who use a lot of drums and never say a word an it's so odd that everyone knows you can't explain any of it even if you've been to it. And they give the first three rows ponchos to protect them from the banana pudding.

You know, I've heard on multiple occasions of ladies thinking, before the party, well, Erica'll be there, Sierra will be there, other video stars'll be there, I'll probably just have to watch – no one's going to want to play with me. My advice is, pack an extra pillow anyway, since nothing could be further from the truth. There will be probably 200 guys there and all of them from 15 years younger to 50 years older, plus a few assorted weirdoes, anxious to spank you, probably repeatedly. Now, while this may sound great, it does mean that you may need to exercise a bit of restraint. And, as a toppy male, I understand that you might not want to play with me – that's okay. BUT you should observe two rules. Rule number 1: don't send me on a quest. If I ask you to play and you say "not now," I will be back every 15 minutes until you're across the state line. If you say "not in public" I'll try to drag you back to my room; if you say "not in your room" I'll try to drag you into a party (hey, whatever works for you.) In other words, if you mean "no" don't give me a fake excuse or I'll see it as an obstacle to overcome. Rule number 2: if you don't want to play, don't be a brat to me. Since women try all kinds of subtle (and not-so-subtle) approaches to being asked to play, I'm going to take this as a "yes."

Sheesh, typical top, two rules of what not to do. Bad way to start. Okay, something you can do to help me out. If you do want to play, turn your back on the other five guys who are trying to talk to you at the same time – that way I'll be free to ask and if you say "no" I don't have an audience to crash and burn in front of. I understand that this may be difficult, because the attention pressure can get heavy and usually pretty enjoyable in its own right, but if you want to have some say in who your play partners are, see if you can help thin the crowd a little. A little bit of shoulder goes a long way.

Assistance #2 is the flip side of rule #1: if you want to play and this is a bad time, tell me when a good time (or circumstance) would be. Sure, you're next in line for that Antonio Banderas-looking guy, who can blame you, make me wait, what am I going to do, complain? Even something as positive as "can we play later?" instead of "maybe later" would be nice. And when you are ready, come find me – believe me, I'll remember. (okay, now we can hear all the stories of match-ups that never worked out… go ahead…)

Guys: you've seen Eve's advice – network, network, network. I don't know how much I can add, though I can tell you what my experience has been. Recent SL party I saw a guy, he was calling in on his cell phone as he approached the hotel, I swear he was playing within 5 minutes of walking through the door. But it was because he's in some on-line group (and I think they'd met plenty of times in person before, too) and he knew everybody and had played with them before. The sad truth is, it's tough on a new single guy. It's not that different from a junior-high dance – the women tend to play with guys they know or friends of women they know. Another story, same party – a new guy showed up with his wife, who knew some of the other people there. He played with a friend of hers while she played with a lot of guys she knew from on-line. He had a great time, but it would have been a lot harder without having his wife's "recommendation."

As for my own personal experiences, they're a bit skewed because at different parties I've been interested in different things – but even so, they might be some indication. The first party I went to, I was looking to meet someone to form a relationship with, so I did no playing at all – unbelievably, since I did have some chances. However, I had networked a lot, so I did know a few people here and there (and I make friends fast). And for three parties, Cat and I didn't play with anyone else, so maybe that changes things a little. Even so, I counted up the number of women I've played with who I met for the first time at that party, and it was really low. Seriously, I think it's five women in eight parties out of a total in the mid-twenties. And of these five, three were introduced to me by friends (thank you, teammates). Now I admit that I prefer to play with women I know, but even so, there have been plenty of women I've approached over the years without success. The other twenty? I had met each of them at a previous party (when we didn't play) or on-line or both.

Now, if you've never been to a party like this you may be drooling at the prospect of spanking twenty beautiful women and you're totally right, it's great, but notice that that translates to about three new play partners per party. When I add a couple that I've played with before, it might be five scenes per party. This is probably about average for a guy. If a woman plays, on average, ten times, and there are twice as many men as women, a guy's average is going to be about five. And four of those five women are going to be someone I already know.

Now maybe this is all just me. Ladies, what do you think?

Anyway, say I'm right – and the party's only a month away. Is it too late? Should you go to this one or just start working toward the next one? I'd say, both. The people you meet at the party make it easier to meet people on-line and the people you meet on-line make it easier to play with someone at the party. I'm sure I'm not the only example of this – I went to one party with a woman who I had met in person a few months earlier, and she had only agreed to meet me because Erica Scott said I probably wasn't a creep – and Erica had only known this because I'd seen her at an SL party. And the only reason Erica had known who I was was because I'd come over to her MSN/World Groups Southern California Spanked Wives Club when she posted an invitation on the old SSS newsgroup (okay, now I feel old). It really hasn't changed since jr. high – friends beget friends beget friends.